The Twentieth Sunday after Pentecost

October 6, 2024

Ephesians 5:21-6:4

How’s Your Followership?

Followers of Christ Know How to Love Their Families!

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (NIV1984)

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,

As soon as you heard our Old Testament lesson for today (Genesis 2:18-25), as soon as you heard our Gospel lesson for today (Mark 10:2-16) and as soon as you heard that our Epistle lesson for today was going to serve as our sermon text, you knew. You knew that our sermon for this morning was going to focus on the basic building block of our society— the estate of marriage. When it comes to the estate of marriage there is perhaps no portion of Scripture as soaring, as informative, and as illuminating as our text for today. As the very same time when it comes to the estate of marriage there is perhaps no portion of Scripture that is as dismissed and as countercultural to our modern-day sense of political correctness as our text for today.

Since this portion of Scripture is foundational to what our God says about the estate of marriage and since this portion of Scripture is all but vilified by many people today— including some people who claim to be Christians, people who claim to be followers of Christ— let’s see how God the Holy Spirit uses His servant Paul to emphasize this truth: Followers of Christ Know How to Love Their Families!

In the verses preceding our text for today the apostle Paul lists a number of exhortations for God’s people. Those exhortations include: “Be very careful how you live…understand what the Lord’s will is…Do not get drunk on wine…Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” The opening verse of our text includes yet another one of Paul’s exhortations: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” There is one word here that is critically important for us to understand correctly. It is the word “submit.”

In our society today the word “submit” almost always has a negative connotation— especially in the context of our personal relationships with others. As Christians, as followers of Christ we cannot allow the world, and we cannot allow our old sinful nature to define for us what our God is telling us here! The word that is translated here as “submit” very literally means, “to willingly place oneself under someone,” or my personal favorite translation, “to yield in love.” This word does not designate someone as being “better” or “worse” than someone else. This word does not mean that someone is “more important” or “less important” than someone else. Think of a “Yield” sign at an intersection. If you are asked to “yield” to the cars that are on the cross street does that mean that they are “better” or “more important” than you? If a person is crossing the street does the fact that they have the right-of-way and you have to “yield” to them mean that you are somehow “less important” than they are? No, of course not! It simply means that you are to “yield in love” in order to prevent an accident or a catastrophe.

To me the perfect example of what God is instructing us to do here in Ephesians chapter five is found in Luke 2:51. After Mary and Joseph found their twelve-year-old Son in the Temple, Scripture tells us, “Then he (Jesus) went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them.” The word that is translated as “obedient” in Luke 2:51 is the exact same word that is translated as “submit” in Ephesians 5:21! Since the perfect eternal Son of God was willing to “yield in love” to His earthly parents, who were mortal sinful human beings, as followers of Christ we can certainly be willing to “yield in love to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

One of the reasons that we need to make sure we correctly understand what God is telling us in Ephesians 5:21 is because of how God the Holy Spirit has the apostle Paul apply this truth in verses twenty-two through twenty-four of our text. Look at what he says, “Wives, submit (yield in love) to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits (yields in love) to Christ, so also wives should submit (yield in love) to their husbands in everything.”

Who doesn’t know someone who bristles at these words? If we let the world define the word “submit,” if we let our old sinful nature define the word “submit” then of course there are going to be people who says, “I will not do that!” or “I will not ask anyone to do that!” But when we as Christians let God define the word “submit,” then “out of reverence for Christ” we willingly “submit to one another.” When we as followers of Christ realize that He (Pointing to the cross) is not asking us to do anything that He wasn’t willing to do Himself then Christian wives will “yield in love” to their husband just as willingly as the church “yields in love” to our Lord.

Paul also reminds the Christian wife of what God revealed in the Garden of Eden. In Genesis 2:18 we read, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’” You know that this is when God created Eve, but how did God create “a helper suitable” for Adam? Did He use the power of His Word like He did when He created light— “And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light”? (Genesis 1:3) Did He gather up some more dust and use that to create Eve, to create a “helper suitable” for Adam? No. God first had Adam name all the different types of animals God had created to help Adam see his reality, “But for Adam no suitable helper was found” (Genesis 2:20b). Then the Lord took one of Adam’s ribs and “made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man” (Genesis 2:22).

God’s design for marriage, God’s design for His children is that in a Christian marriage the wife is to be a “helper suitable” for her husband. What does this mean? Well, let’s first of all make sure we understand what it does not mean. It does not mean that a Christian husband can treat the “helper” that Christ has given to him as a “servant.” It does not mean that a Christian wife is somehow “less” than her husband— “less” important, “less” valuable, “less” intelligent, “less” gifted, “less” anything.

What it does mean is that as a follower of Christ the Christian wife will strive to fulfill the role that Christ has given to her to the best of her ability. What it does mean is that as a follower of Christ the Christian wife will see her God-given role as a “helper suitable” for her husband as an opportunity— an opportunity to show her love for Him (Pointing to the cross) by lovingly “helping” her husband in a way that supports him and enables him to become an even better husband, an even better father, an even better follower of Christ. What it does mean is that the Christian wife will recognize that God’s design for marriage is that “the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.”

By now there might possibly be some people who are thinking to themselves, “That is easy for the pastor say— he’s talking like a typical man.” Let me respond to that purely hypothetical situation by emphasizing two things. First, let’s remember how this text started: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” No matter who we are— man or woman, husband or wife, parent or child, brother or sister in Christ— no matter who we are, as followers of Christ we are willing to “yield in love” in our relationships with each other. This includes the relationship between a Christian husband and a Christian wife.

Secondly, Paul’s explanation of the role of the Christian husband emphasizes the tremendous responsibility that God Himself places on the Christian husband. Paul does this by underscoring the vital role that “agape” love plays in the “headship” role of the Christian husband. Look at verses twenty-five to thirty of our text. Paul writes, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.”

The standard that Christ sets for the Christian husband couldn’t be any higher! As the “Head” of the Church Christ envelopes the Church with His “agape” love. As the “Head” of the Church Christ was willing to “sacrifice” Himself (Pointing to the cross) in order to make His Church, in order to make us, His “bride,” “a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” As the “Head” of the Church Christ’s “agape” love for us leads Him to provide for us and to protect us, to “feed” and “care” for us like only He can do!

That’s the standard that Christ gives to Christian husbands. We are to see ourselves as the “head” of our family— because that is what God says we are! As the “head” of our family we are to show the same selfless, self-sacrificing “agape” love to our family that Christ shows to us. As the “head” of our family we are to do our very best to protect our family and to provide for our family. As the “head” of our family we are to lead them in the way God wants us to lead them— with Christ-like humility, with Christ-like conviction and with Christ-like devotion. As the “head” of our family we are to treat our family the way God expects us to treat them. That means treating our wife with the respect she deserves as a fellow heir of the salvation that Christ won for her on the cross of Calvary’s hill. That means treating our wife as someone who has an absolutely equal status with us in the eyes of our God. As the “head” of our family we are both responsible and accountable for the decisions that we make— especially the decisions that impact the other members of our family. We take in all the information we can, we consider what we think/hope is best for our family and then we prayerfully make a decision— knowing that we will be accountable to Him (Pointing to the cross) for the decision we make.

Since our God-given roles as a Christian wife and a Christian husband are sometimes difficult for even the followers of Christ to embrace with enthusiasm, God the Holy Spirit has His servant Paul give us a summary you might say. Look at verses thirty-one to thirty-three of our text. Paul writes, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”

At first glance it might seem as though Paul is basing his exhortation on the role of the Christian wife and the role of the Christian husband on what God said when He designed marriage (Genesis 2:24) and on what Jesus said when He defended His design for marriage (Mark 10:6-9). That would be very easy and logical for us to understand— if it weren’t for the fact that Paul adds the words, “This is a profound mystery— but I am talking about Christ and the church.” With these words Paul is revealing to us that the relationship between Christ and the Church is not like a marriage. No, rather he is teaching us that the earthly relationship we call marriage is a reflection of the relationship that exists between Christ and His Church. That puts marriage on a far higher level!

The Holy Spirit also has Paul emphasize that as followers of Christ, as Christians there are no exceptions to what God is telling us here. God does not allow a Christian husband to offer some kind of “excuse” for not carrying out the role God has given to him— “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.” Nor does God allow a Christian wife to offer some “excuse” for not carrying out the role God has given to her— “and the wife must respect her husband.” When each partner in a Christian marriage focuses on carrying out their God-given role— out of love and respect for the God who gave them that role— then their marriage will work as God designed it to work. Then their marriage will be a blessing to both the husband and the wife.

The closing portion of our text certainly doesn’t surprise us. After describing how God designed marriage to be, the Holy Spirit has Paul address one of the greatest blessings of marriage— children. Sadly, sin has also had a very powerful negative impact on the relationship between parents and their children. That is why the Holy Spirit has Paul say, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’— which is the first commandment with a promise— ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on earth.’”

As a Christian child your God-given role centers on “obeying” your parents “in the sphere of the Lord.” Since your parents represent your Lord in your life “obeying” your parents reveals that you are “obeying” your Lord. At the very same time, as you “obey” your parents you will “enjoy” your life with them— even if the Lord grants you a long life!

Hand-in-hand with God’s directive to children, “Obey your parents in the Lord,” is God’s directive to the “head” of the household, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” As Christian fathers we want to make sure that we do not “exasperate” our children. As Christian fathers we want to make sure that we do not “frustrate” our children with inconsistent discipline or unrealistic expectations. As Christian fathers our #1 priority is to show Christ’s “agape” love to our children— which means that it is our God-given responsibility to bring up our children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Whether it’s our Old Testament lesson where the Lord God delineates the “headship principle” and the “helper principle” that God Himself designed into marriage, or our Gospel lesson where Jesus re-emphasizes that God’s design for marriage centers on one man and one woman for a lifetime, or our sermon text for today where God has Paul explain to us the roles that God has given to the Christian wife and the Christian husband, the sinful world in which we live and the sinful nature that lives inside of us does and will rebel against what our God says.

My prayer then this morning is two-fold. First, if what God says to you as a Christian wife or a Christian husband or as a Christian child has led you to see where you need to grow and improve so that you can more faithfully carry out the role God has given to you, let that realization lead you to the foot of the cross (Pointing to the cross) where you can ask Him for both His forgiveness and His help. Secondly, I pray that His love for you will always motivate and guide you as you strive to show your love for Him by reflecting His love to your family.

To God be the glory!

Amen